This is a good one... Get to know your VOJ. See how it has impacted you-- both in big and in subtle ways. Note your observations and how you feel once you gain insight about how it is "working" you over. Good luck. Hal
Last night I was surprised to find myself struggling with my own VOJ very often, and especially during this specific period.
Coming from Iran, a country with a strong cultural background, where for every action there is a social code and tradition, and where not respecting these traditions and 'rules' means facing 'judgments', I have learned to simply ignore judgments coming from other people and not identify myself with how they see 'me'. It hasn't been easy, but now, after many years, I can listen to people's judgments and still believe that their judgment doesn't make me a better or worse person; I am what I am.
However, I still struggle with myself. I still set myself high goals and judge myself if I don't achieve these goals. The fear of 'not achieving', 'not being good enough' paralyzes me very often.
As you might remember, I am planning to apply for Business School. I definitely need a career change and know for fact that an MBA will help me achieve my goals. I was planning to apply next year (for the class of 2012) but, recently, realized that I 'want' this change as soon as possible; therefore, I've decided to start applying this year, for the class for 2011.
This means that I have to start studying for the GMAT, complete the applications, write essays and talk to my recommenders. The very first deadline is on January 7th.
Now I am experiencing two different moments: - when I believe in myself, remind myself that I can make it, that 'if I can dream it, I can do it' and during those moments I am happy, hopeful and full of energy. - And then, after a fraction of second, I hear my VOJ which tells me that I don't have enough time, I can't make everything happen in only three months, and reminds me how much I dislike being rejected and how much I will feel upset if I don't get admitted to any of these schools. This voice makes me anxious, restless and miserable!
So, here is my challenge: I will not expect anything. I will try my best to get everything perfectly done by focusing on the present and not worrying about the outcome. I will not listen to my voice of judgment. We'll see how it goes!
Yesterday, at lunch, I had a discussion with my colleagues including wenyu about a strategy to enter new research areas. Usually there is a dilemma about whether or not one should do a literature survey about what people have done in a research area before thinking about his own solution.
If one does the literature survey first before thinking about one's own solution, then all new approaches could be killed by the VOJ. It may say something like.. "this idea may not work..has been tried before".
On the otherhand, it is also good to know what people have tried in the field. The literature survey done properly can contribute to VOI.
So I think, if one is aware of one own VOJ, it is probably a good idea to have a hybrid approach to generating new ideas in a research area.
I think of VOJ as a negative force that keeps you away from further investigation of an idea and does so not based on objective facts.
I have had a few days to think over what is/are my own VOJ(s). Just now I realized that one of the biggest VOJs I have had so far in my life is: people would think I am silly if I ask too many questions. This has had a big impact on my work and on my life. I have always been afraid to ask many questions when I feared how others would think of me. On the other hand, I am a person with a lot of curiosity, which makes me want to ask questions. So in general I am not afraid to ask questions for things totally new to me, but, for things that are supposed to be known to me (or at least I think I am supposed to know), I would hesitate. This could happen for something as mundane as remembering (or not) someone's name. I would hesitate to ask for their names again, and I may find out their names eventually from their peers by just listening, to save my own face, but at the expense of more anxiety and not necessarily getting the answers.
Similarly, during my Ph.D. study, I tend to study on my own a lot more than asking other people. One of my lab mates always ask many questions (to me and others) and others thought: is it correct for a Ph.D. student to ask his/her way out of the degree? I think there should be some trade-off here, but personally I should have asked more questions in the past, and that would have saved me a lot more time and effort in achieving the same goal.
So this VOJ of mine is the fear of being looked down upon for asking questions, and it is rooted from another VOJ that says, "I am supposed to know this, therefore I shouldn't ask."
On its positive side, this VOJ has forced me to listen and understand as quickly as possible to avoid the embarrassment. However, looking back, I think if I just asked a bit more questions, I would be better off today. I have known this problem for some time, but now it is the first time for me to look at this issue from the perspective of VOJ, and I will deal with it much more seriously than before.
This is what I have for today. If I find another VOJ of mine worthy to be noted/exposed, I will be glad to post again in the forum.
Laleh, How great to see that you have been able to psyche out the VOJ with regard to others' expectations. "I can listen to people's judgments and still believe that their judgments don't make me a better or worse person; I am what I am." Now, after Monday night you know that the VOJ is NOT YOU! When you 'judge yourself' it is the VOJ judging you, not the you that is "I am what I am". This is key. When you see that you are not the VOJ, really see this, then it becomes easier to take it for what it is...and, as you have so eloquently pointed out, you are able to simply ignore judgments coming from others...put the VOJ into that group, because it is not you. Notice the uncomfortable feelings and then ask yourself if this voice of judgment is telling you the truth...is what it is saying real?
Goals are great, and you are beautifully shifting to what you know to be true, that it is time to apply to Business school.
I can see you have a plan, an intention with freedom. Remember, you are not alone in this. You are co-creating with everything else. The world is not against you (something the VOJ loves to believe), but rather it is working with you. Trust in your creativity!
THis is a great question. Good work in playing with the experience of VOJ and VOI. When you are aware of which is at work, you (your Essence) can then go any direction (look at the literature review or not) and discern what is helpful to the task at hand. Remember diving into the creative process is done by applying your Self to the task at hand (the Self is Essence). Jump in. See what happens when you enter the unknown. Essence knows how to utilize the VOI in service of the task at hand. If the VOJ comes up, it will feel negative and constrictive. If the VOI is being utilized, you will enter into more clarity. Remember to play with it...allow this to be an exploration to know more about your Essence and your own creative process.
THANK YOU for exposing your VOJ here on our blog. It is such a gift to everyone in the class to be willing to share it here, because I can bet at least half the class is afraid of asking questions. Asking questions is the fourth tool and is an extremely powerful tool. Questions are the gateway to creativity. It is only when we are able to HONESTLY say we don't know that possibility opens up. Asking a question when one is needed for more understanding and clarity is the intelligent and creative action to take. You mentioned you are a person with a great deal of curiosity...that is Essence at work. This is the You that is creative by nature. Notice how you are naturally inquisitive, and the effect of the VOJ has been to shut this down. As you said, "...people would think I am silly if I ask too many questions. This has had a big impact on my work and on my life." How great to pull the covers off of the VOJ right here right now! Have fun this week...ask away!!!
What is the difference between self-confidence and VOJ? Will quieting/understanding the VOJ incease self-confidence? Personally,it seems when I realize the VOJ is not me, I am more confident to pursue opportunities.
Mark: Great observation/question. Frankly, you seem to have answered your own question... It certainly does seem that when you quiet the VOJ, there is a natural increase in one's confidence.
Keep experimenting with this idea. Make note of what happens-- get experiential confirmation-- and it can even become "habit-forming."
As I've been thinking about the VOJ several questions have come up.
(1) Is there a difference between VOJ and competition? One of my most popular VOJ's says "my co-workers are holding the team back from success." I'm a competitive person and I want to win. So how do I reconcile this drive to succeed with a mean-spirited VOJ?
(2) What about the difference between the VOJ and disapproval? During this election period it is very satisfying to judge, judge, judge the other candidate. Is this just a prime opportunity for the VOJ to run wild? How could you possibly avoid the VOJ when the stakes are so high?
(3) I liked Hal's language exercise of swapping "have to" for "choose" and "need to" for "want." Are there any others? Like a substitute for "should have?" As in "I should have been managing my investments more closely." ?
Your point was very interesting: "it seems when I realize the VOJ is not me, I am more confident to pursue opportunities."
Have you read the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle? Explaining the origin of his book, he recalls:
"One night not long after my twenty-ninth birthday, I woke up in the early hours with a feeling of absolute dread. I had woken up with such feeling many times before, but this time it was more intense than it had ever been...
... "I cannot live with myself any longer." This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was. "Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the 'I' and the 'self' that 'I' cannot live with." "Maybe," I thought, "only one of them is real"."
Throughout the book he explains how to "free yourself from your mind" and "watch the thinker". He believes "identification with your mind creates an opaque screen of concepts, labels, images, judments, and definition that blocks all true relationship. It become between YOU and YOURSELF".
And "so when you listen to a thought, you are aware not only of the thought but also of yourself as the witness of the thought."
You, yourself, mentioned that when you realize VOJ is not you, you feel more self-confident. I believe that's true for all of us. But the challenge lies in disidentifying ourselves from the VOJ.
It's great to have high goals and be willing to win. If your VOJ tells you that you (yourself or within a team) are not good enough and you can't compete with others, you may listen to it but treat this VOJ as 'only a part of you' and not identify yourself with it. This is exactly what the whole concept of 'destroying judgment' about. But if your VOJ keeps whispering in your ears and warns you about success of others (or other teams) it could be destructive.
I believe being competitive is different from being worried about others' success and achievements.
It's important that you focus on your (or your team's) goals, do your best while you let go the expectations (if you know you're doing your best, it would be easier to let go) and ignore the VOJ that makes you anxious about what others are doing/achieving.
Personally, I think if we reach for high goals and, at the same time, let everybody else do the same thing, we all will attain a higher quality in every aspect of our lives and in the society.
Stopping to listen to my VOJ has been quite the challenge since I realize its a subconscious process. It is very interesting, though, to reflect and see the impact that my VOJ has made at turning points in my life. (And I wondered why things weren't changing!)
While it takes a bit of effort for me to break old habits, I am noticing in small instances where the outcome was better then if I tried to control it. I'm excited about this revelation and think it will actually make life better.
Incidentally, I'm applying what I learn not only to my career, but to my personal relationship as well. I'm sharing the information with someone close to me so I'm also feeling them adjust their expectations about me! I can see/feel the effects of both sides which is very empowering and liberating.
My own conclusion: The VOJ suffocates the inner me. I tend to second guess myself and double check everything. Question myself; Am I doing this rightly/correctly??
Solution: I have been trying to psyche out the VOJ through asking these kind of questions: Why wouldn't I be able to do this as well as anybody? Why wouldn't I make the right decision? Telling myself I can and I believe in myself.
I spoke to a family member of mine the other day and I know that person always rise my VOJ to the possible worse - I always feel like I need to defend every step I take in life. Anyway instead of reacting with a lot of strong and uncomfortable feelings and that way feeling unhappy with both myself and that person, I practiced staying calm, almost cold, and relaxed ( I took a couple of deep breath during the conversation) and it worked! I got a different output of that phone call. I felt satisfied, confident and respected.
As a peer classmate, I think that you have done well to expose and control your VOJ. Also, as a bystander, I want to say that double-checking happens to many, if not most of us. It could happen in things as mundane as pressing the lock-button on one's car key twice :), which I often do, and it is a bit ironic that in contrast I used to be afraid of asking the same question twice if I didn't get a clear understanding on the first try. A kind of double-standard :), isn't it?
I think that double-checking With Objective Discipline on important tasks, is not necessarily a bad thing. I think we would have a lot fewer drugs with significant side effects on the market if FDA were doing their due-diligence by double-checking their (and the manufacturers') test results. I think the main difference is whether the doubt has an objective reason for it, and whether you apply an objective process (i.e., using VOI) to either clear or verify your doubt. Also, I (well, it should really be You) would be curious to know how often your doubt turns out to be valid, and in those cases, are you able to recollect (in retrospection) why it is so? It may help you identify true doubts (VOI) from false ones (VOJ).
Something I found very uplifting, helpful and interesting this past week, was when I forbid myself to snap-judge other people and things happening. Wow what I have been doing that a lot.
It has been very rewarding to step back and try to see what's behind or underneath another person's choice or what it might be about. Not that I always get to know that, but being aware of my own judgement will help improve me and help me grow.
Wenyu: Thanks for your input! You are right about the double-checking and I press the lock button on the car key more than once, usually ;) Double-checking can also be very important and what an interesting point you had about the FDA.
I really think that most of the times it is the VOJ "talking" when I am double-checking or second- guessing myself.
I tried to use the VOJ cultural method when I was in Las Vegas: I clearly had difficulties of giving in to the culture, where it is just about "having fun and spend money," but I tried the VOJ and it help me to see beyond the whole thing and ot help me to have fun. It might be a strange example, but it helped(-:
Apologies for being late, but I haven’t had a chance to try this out till last Friday. I always felt tense while delivering presentations at work. May be it is due to my continues desired of perfection or my “conscious” worries about getting bombarded with baffling questions afterward In order to deflect those, I used to spend more time to gauge those questions rather then just focusing on main presentation.
Last Friday, I successfully gave a demo about various optimizations in current product to our executives. I went with a complete open mindset as there were high chances that proposal may get completely rejected. Although, even with initial resistance it turned out to be way better then I anticipated. They liked the fact that it wasn’t totally engineering focused, as some of the feature sets designed by conceiving of current market prerequisites. We got very positive response as some of the design considerations were done based on their previous feedback. I am quite amazed, how by saying these words “I don’t know, what’s your recommendation on this?” can turn a question/answer session to a meaningful group discussion!!!
17 comments:
Last night I was surprised to find myself struggling with my own VOJ very often, and especially during this specific period.
Coming from Iran, a country with a strong cultural background, where for every action there is a social code and tradition, and where not respecting these traditions and 'rules' means facing 'judgments', I have learned to simply ignore judgments coming from other people and not identify myself with how they see 'me'. It hasn't been easy, but now, after many years, I can listen to people's judgments and still believe that their judgment doesn't make me a better or worse person; I am what I am.
However, I still struggle with myself. I still set myself high goals and judge myself if I don't achieve these goals. The fear of 'not achieving', 'not being good enough' paralyzes me very often.
As you might remember, I am planning to apply for Business School. I definitely need a career change and know for fact that an MBA will help me achieve my goals. I was planning to apply next year (for the class of 2012) but, recently, realized that I 'want' this change as soon as possible; therefore, I've decided to start applying this year, for the class for 2011.
This means that I have to start studying for the GMAT, complete the applications, write essays and talk to my recommenders. The very first deadline is on January 7th.
Now I am experiencing two different moments:
- when I believe in myself, remind myself that I can make it, that 'if I can dream it, I can do it' and during those moments I am happy, hopeful and full of energy.
- And then, after a fraction of second, I hear my VOJ which tells me that I don't have enough time, I can't make everything happen in only three months, and reminds me how much I dislike being rejected and how much I will feel upset if I don't get admitted to any of these schools. This voice makes me anxious, restless and miserable!
So, here is my challenge: I will not expect anything. I will try my best to get everything perfectly done by focusing on the present and not worrying about the outcome. I will not listen to my voice of judgment. We'll see how it goes!
Yesterday, at lunch, I had a discussion with my colleagues including wenyu about a strategy to enter new research areas. Usually there is a dilemma about whether or not one should do a literature survey about what people have done in a research area before thinking about his own solution.
If one does the literature survey first before thinking about one's own solution, then all new approaches could be killed by the VOJ. It may say something like.. "this idea may not work..has been tried before".
On the otherhand, it is also good to know what people have tried in the field. The literature survey done properly can contribute to VOI.
So I think, if one is aware of one own VOJ, it is probably a good idea to have a hybrid approach to generating new ideas in a research area.
I think of VOJ as a negative force that keeps you away from further investigation of an idea and does so not based on objective facts.
please let me know any thoughts/comments on this.
best regards
regu
I have had a few days to think over what is/are my own VOJ(s). Just now I realized that one of the biggest VOJs I have had so far in my life is: people would think I am silly if I ask too many questions. This has had a big impact on my work and on my life. I have always been afraid to ask many questions when I feared how others would think of me. On the other hand, I am a person with a lot of curiosity, which makes me want to ask questions. So in general I am not afraid to ask questions for things totally new to me, but, for things that are supposed to be known to me (or at least I think I am supposed to know), I would hesitate. This could happen for something as mundane as remembering (or not) someone's name. I would hesitate to ask for their names again, and I may find out their names eventually from their peers by just listening, to save my own face, but at the expense of more anxiety and not necessarily getting the answers.
Similarly, during my Ph.D. study, I tend to study on my own a lot more than asking other people. One of my lab mates always ask many questions (to me and others) and others thought: is it correct for a Ph.D. student to ask his/her way out of the degree? I think there should be some trade-off here, but personally I should have asked more questions in the past, and that would have saved me a lot more time and effort in achieving the same goal.
So this VOJ of mine is the fear of being looked down upon for asking questions, and it is rooted from another VOJ that says, "I am supposed to know this, therefore I shouldn't ask."
On its positive side, this VOJ has forced me to listen and understand as quickly as possible to avoid the embarrassment. However, looking back, I think if I just asked a bit more questions, I would be better off today. I have known this problem for some time, but now it is the first time for me to look at this issue from the perspective of VOJ, and I will deal with it much more seriously than before.
This is what I have for today. If I find another VOJ of mine worthy to be noted/exposed, I will be glad to post again in the forum.
Laleh,
How great to see that you have been able to psyche out the VOJ with regard to others' expectations. "I can listen to people's judgments and still believe that their judgments don't make me a better or worse person; I am what I am."
Now, after Monday night you know that the VOJ is NOT YOU! When you 'judge yourself' it is the VOJ judging you, not the you that is "I am what I am". This is key. When you see that you are not the VOJ, really see this, then it becomes easier to take it for what it is...and, as you have so eloquently pointed out, you are able to simply ignore judgments coming from others...put the VOJ into that group, because it is not you. Notice the uncomfortable feelings and then ask yourself if this voice of judgment is telling you the truth...is what it is saying real?
Goals are great, and you are beautifully shifting to what you know to be true, that it is time to apply to Business school.
I can see you have a plan, an intention with freedom. Remember, you are not alone in this. You are co-creating with everything else. The world is not against you (something the VOJ loves to believe), but rather it is working with you. Trust in your creativity!
Thanks for posting!
Regu,
THis is a great question. Good work in playing with the experience of VOJ and VOI. When you are aware of which is at work, you (your Essence) can then go any direction (look at the literature review or not) and discern what is helpful to the task at hand. Remember diving into the creative process is done by applying your Self to the task at hand (the Self is Essence). Jump in. See what happens when you enter the unknown. Essence knows how to utilize the VOI in service of the task at hand. If the VOJ comes up, it will feel negative and constrictive. If the VOI is being utilized, you will enter into more clarity.
Remember to play with it...allow this to be an exploration to know more about your Essence and your own creative process.
Wenyu,
THANK YOU for exposing your VOJ here on our blog. It is such a gift to everyone in the class to be willing to share it here, because I can bet at least half the class is afraid of asking questions.
Asking questions is the fourth tool and is an extremely powerful tool. Questions are the gateway to creativity. It is only when we are able to HONESTLY say we don't know that possibility opens up.
Asking a question when one is needed for more understanding and clarity is the intelligent and creative action to take.
You mentioned you are a person with a great deal of curiosity...that is Essence at work. This is the You that is creative by nature. Notice how you are naturally inquisitive, and the effect of the VOJ has been to shut this down. As you said, "...people would think I am silly if I ask too many questions. This has had a big impact on my work and on my life."
How great to pull the covers off of the VOJ right here right now! Have fun this week...ask away!!!
What is the difference between self-confidence and VOJ? Will quieting/understanding the VOJ incease self-confidence? Personally,it seems when I realize the VOJ is not me, I am more confident to pursue opportunities.
Thoughts?
Mark:
Great observation/question. Frankly, you seem to have answered your own question... It certainly does seem that when you quiet the VOJ, there is a natural increase in one's confidence.
Keep experimenting with this idea. Make note of what happens-- get experiential confirmation-- and it can even become "habit-forming."
Hopefully some others will have ideas.
Hal
As I've been thinking about the VOJ several questions have come up.
(1) Is there a difference between VOJ and competition? One of my most popular VOJ's says "my co-workers are holding the team back from success." I'm a competitive person and I want to win. So how do I reconcile this drive to succeed with a mean-spirited VOJ?
(2) What about the difference between the VOJ and disapproval? During this election period it is very satisfying to judge, judge, judge the other candidate. Is this just a prime opportunity for the VOJ to run wild? How could you possibly avoid the VOJ when the stakes are so high?
(3) I liked Hal's language exercise of swapping "have to" for "choose" and "need to" for "want." Are there any others? Like a substitute for "should have?" As in "I should have been managing my investments more closely." ?
sherry
Mark,
Your point was very interesting: "it seems when I realize the VOJ is not me, I am more confident to pursue opportunities."
Have you read the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle? Explaining the origin of his book, he recalls:
"One night not long after my twenty-ninth birthday, I woke up in the early hours with a feeling of absolute dread. I had woken up with such feeling many times before, but this time it was more intense than it had ever been...
... "I cannot live with myself any longer." This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was. "Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the 'I' and the 'self' that 'I' cannot live with." "Maybe," I thought, "only one of them is real"."
Throughout the book he explains how to "free yourself from your mind" and "watch the thinker". He believes "identification with your mind creates an opaque screen of concepts, labels, images, judments, and definition that blocks all true relationship. It become between YOU and YOURSELF".
And "so when you listen to a thought, you are aware not only of the thought but also of yourself as the witness of the thought."
You, yourself, mentioned that when you realize VOJ is not you, you feel more self-confident. I believe that's true for all of us. But the challenge lies in disidentifying ourselves from the VOJ.
Sherry,
It's great to have high goals and be willing to win. If your VOJ tells you that you (yourself or within a team) are not good enough and you can't compete with others, you may listen to it but treat this VOJ as 'only a part of you' and not identify yourself with it. This is exactly what the whole concept of 'destroying judgment' about. But if your VOJ keeps whispering in your ears and warns you about success of others (or other teams) it could be destructive.
I believe being competitive is different from being worried about others' success and achievements.
It's important that you focus on your (or your team's) goals, do your best while you let go the expectations (if you know you're doing your best, it would be easier to let go) and ignore the VOJ that makes you anxious about what others are doing/achieving.
Personally, I think if we reach for high goals and, at the same time, let everybody else do the same thing, we all will attain a higher quality in every aspect of our lives and in the society.
Stopping to listen to my VOJ has been quite the challenge since I realize its a subconscious process. It is very interesting, though, to reflect and see the impact that my VOJ has made at turning points in my life. (And I wondered why things weren't changing!)
While it takes a bit of effort for me to break old habits, I am noticing in small instances where the outcome was better then if I tried to control it. I'm excited about this revelation and think it will actually make life better.
Incidentally, I'm applying what I learn not only to my career, but to my personal relationship as well. I'm sharing the information with someone close to me so I'm also feeling them adjust their expectations about me! I can see/feel the effects of both sides which is very empowering and liberating.
My own conclusion: The VOJ suffocates the inner me.
I tend to second guess myself and double check everything. Question myself; Am I doing this rightly/correctly??
Solution: I have been trying to psyche out the VOJ through asking these kind of questions: Why wouldn't I be able to do this as well as anybody? Why wouldn't I make the right decision? Telling myself I can and I believe in myself.
I spoke to a family member of mine the other day and I know that person always rise my VOJ to the possible worse - I always feel like I need to defend every step I take in life. Anyway instead of reacting with a lot of strong and uncomfortable feelings and that way feeling unhappy with both myself and that person, I practiced staying calm, almost cold, and relaxed ( I took a couple of deep breath during the conversation) and it worked! I got a different output of that phone call. I felt satisfied, confident and respected.
/Ann-Helen
Ann-Helen,
As a peer classmate, I think that you have done well to expose and control your VOJ. Also, as a bystander, I want to say that double-checking happens to many, if not most of us. It could happen in things as mundane as pressing the lock-button on one's car key twice :), which I often do, and it is a bit ironic that in contrast I used to be afraid of asking the same question twice if I didn't get a clear understanding on the first try. A kind of double-standard :), isn't it?
I think that double-checking With Objective Discipline on important tasks, is not necessarily a bad thing. I think we would have a lot fewer drugs with significant side effects on the market if FDA were doing their due-diligence by double-checking their (and the manufacturers') test results. I think the main difference is whether the doubt has an objective reason for it, and whether you apply an objective process (i.e., using VOI) to either clear or verify your doubt. Also, I (well, it should really be You) would be curious to know how often your doubt turns out to be valid, and in those cases, are you able to recollect (in retrospection) why it is so? It may help you identify true doubts (VOI) from false ones (VOJ).
Regards,
-Wenyu
Something I found very uplifting, helpful and interesting this past week, was when I forbid myself to snap-judge other people and things happening. Wow what I have been doing that a lot.
It has been very rewarding to step back and try to see what's behind or underneath another person's choice or what it might be about. Not that I always get to know that, but being aware of my own judgement will help improve me and help me grow.
Wenyu: Thanks for your input!
You are right about the double-checking and I press the lock button on the car key more than once, usually ;)
Double-checking can also be very important and what an interesting point you had about the FDA.
I really think that most of the times it is the VOJ "talking" when I am double-checking or second- guessing myself.
I tried to use the VOJ cultural method when I was in Las Vegas: I clearly had difficulties of giving in to the culture, where it is just about "having fun and spend money," but I tried the VOJ and it help me to see beyond the whole thing and ot help me to have fun. It might be a strange example, but it helped(-:
Apologies for being late, but I haven’t had a chance to try this out till last Friday. I always felt tense while delivering presentations at work. May be it is due to my continues desired of perfection or my “conscious” worries about getting bombarded with baffling questions afterward In order to deflect those, I used to spend more time to gauge those questions rather then just focusing on main presentation.
After 2nd class, I felt that I need a retrospection to discern and conquer my internal VOJs. It may sounds cliché but first I have to remind myself that no one knows everything in this world. My subconscious fear of not been able to answer baffling questions was completely despicable. At the same time, I also had my own VOJ that I “have to be” the best in my area of expertise. After evaluating this more, I realize that it essentially precludes me to explore new domains.
Last Friday, I successfully gave a demo about various optimizations in current product to our executives. I went with a complete open mindset as there were high chances that proposal may get completely rejected. Although, even with initial resistance it turned out to be way better then I anticipated. They liked the fact that it wasn’t totally engineering focused, as some of the feature sets designed by conceiving of current market prerequisites. We got very positive response as some of the design considerations were done based on their previous feedback. I am quite amazed, how by saying these words “I don’t know, what’s your recommendation on this?” can turn a question/answer session to a meaningful group discussion!!!
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