Please share your experiences-- successful or less so-- with this concept. How did it work in meeetings, in meeting deadlines? What did you try? What did you notice about your own reactions?
I had a nice time attending the first class yesterday. There was lot of food for thought. :-). Thank you.
This morning I tried something about practicing "Having no expectations" that I would like to share with you.
I have been working on a research problem at work. The problem has been broken down into solving two independent steps. That has been the general approach suggested in literature for tackling this problem.
This morning I thought to myself "I should try to solve this problem" and let go of expectations of how I would solve it. Interestingly, some new approaches struck me that did not fit the "two-step approach" suggested in literature.
Although, a little deep analysis showed that the new strategy might not work. But I was happy to see how letting go of expectations can help create new ideas.
please let me know if you have comments or suggestions to applying this skill.
Regu, Thanks for being the first to jump in here and share your insights. It's wonderful to start posting and reflecting early in the week, so we have time to deepen what is learned. Great job for trying things out first thing this morning. And notice how as soon as you realized the 'general approach' was an expectation, that other ideas immediately came to be seen. Stay with the new strategy and let it incubate to see what comes to the surface. Perhaps the initial idea will generate something else. See what other ideas pop up.
Remember, it is a practice. Sometimes I like to refer to them as Play-withs, to remind us to play with the ideas and concepts and to incorporate a little humor with them. Take some risks and see what happens.
After class I read for a few minutes and fell asleep. My dream life took over. I was searching, striving endlessly for a solution to a problem. I mean it was agonizing, frustrating and in the end absolutely impossible. I gave up and told myself, "That's it. I'm through." I then looked out the window and saw a person who, in real life, I am sure has "all the gifts." The person was walking down some stairs with 'windblown' hair...completely FREE of any striving or effort. I awoke instantly to understand this dream had importance to my understanding of "No Expectations."
It was very interesting to read about Regu's experience this morning.
I, myself, am in a very frustrating uncertain situation. I do dislike uncertainty. As I mentioned to Julie yesterday, I am a control freak when it comes to my goals and ambitions. But, at the same time, I am aware of the fact that it is impossible to plan and foresee everything.
I moved to the US (from Italy) less than a year ago and have been working as a Product Designer in a bathroom accessories company since March. Although I love what I do (designing), I find my current job not challenging enough. Therefore, I am looking for a new job AND planning to apply for Business school as well. As you can see, I currently live with and in the unknown; I have no idea where I might be or what I might be doing next month.
It seems like I am attending this class in the most appropriate moment. It is very difficult 'not to expect anything' but I intend to do it to from now on (or I will go crazy!) ;)
Thank you Julie and Hal for the first class, it was very interesting and eye-opening.
The first class was so interesting, can't wait for the forthcoming classes.
"Having No expectations" does seem to be against the norm, since we've always been trained to have some sort of expectation for every task.
I practiced "Having no expectation" today to a research problem at work. So far I haven't come up with a better solution than the one I already had, but the difference I noticed was being calm rather than feeling frustrated. Maybe I need some more practice.
You can't simultaneously practice 'having no expectaions' and experience frustration when colleagues don't deliver information as promised, right?
I am struggling with this one today. How do I work with others without having expectations? Please tell me I'm not the only person struggling with this.
I love all of your postings. How great that you have decided to dive right in to the Live-With. I am going to reply to each post this time, because we are new to this wonderful Live-With. But, each response is really for everyone.
Myrna: What a fascinating dream. What might it mean? What do you already know about having no expectations? Pay attention to your dreams. We'll talk about this more later on in the class.
Laleh: It sounds like you are very aware of the creative tension that lies between having goals and plans, and not yet knowing how things will turn out. Certainty is one of the deadliest things to creativity. When we are ‘certain’ we no longer have room for any other way to do things. Notice what becomes available when certainty is no longer there. Just notice what the experience is of not knowing…what does it feel like? What else might be there?
Dipti: You are right. In many ways, it is the training we receive that trains us out of our creativity. Even though your new solution wasn’t ‘better’ than what you already had, you noticed something very important about the experience of having no expectations…there was calm. You felt calm. What does that tell you about what is available when you ‘let go’ of expectations? How would work be different when you are feeling calm compared to feeling frustrated? If your Essence is your personal creative resource, what do you now know about your Essence from this experience of letting go of expectations?
Deanne: Are you experiencing frustration from letting go of expectations or as a result of having expectations about what should have happened? When we have expectations, we almost always set ourselves up to be disappointed if what we expected doesn’t happen. It doesn’t mean that we can’t have goals or guidelines for what we need to get a job done. But, if you are frustrated about what ‘should’ have happened, how available is your creative resource to find possibilities? When they don’t deliver as promised, is frustration going to be helpful?
You are not the only one experiencing frustration with this. The first part of this Live-With is to notice your habitual expectations AND the corresponding result from not having them met. Keep track of what you expected, what happens instead, and what you feel when your expectation is not met. See if there is a pattern. See what gets in the way of creatively handling what happens.
I am sorry for posting a day later. I had a task deadline that I had to meet, therefore I decided to finish that. Because that task was more labor-intensive than creativity-intensive, I decided to still keep myself up to the expectation (finish it on time). Now, I can let go of any short-term expectations :). So far, no particular idea has emerged, but I do feel more relaxed, as it should be after finishing a task :).
I saw many wonderful posts in this thread. Your response to laleh is particularly interesting and mind-stimulating: I thought given a chance, everyone wants to be all-knowing, but you have revealed something deeper beyond knowledge itself. It will take me some time to digest this new concept, but a pleasant time it would be.
Although I haven't had much experience with the "Having No Expectation" approach in this week, I can share some experience from the past which I think is relevant.
I learn and practice an Ancient Chinese musical instrument called GuQin (known as Ancient Zither). With no music training background, it is not exactly an easy instrument for me, but I like it. At times, I find my playing stagnant, not really improving despite daily practice. Then, after a couple of weeks of vacation, and I picked it up again, and with no expectation how well I should do, I often exceeded my expectations in coming up with new styles and subtleties of playing. Of course I am still an amateur student, but I have experienced such surprises whenever I take a break and let go of my expectations. I feel the "take a break" part is probably equally important as the "no expectation" part, as it gives the brain a chance to relax and prepare for more creativity.
I too enjoyed the new class and want to take an open approach to the class.
A specific problem that I want to find a creative solution to is getting my customers to spend more time with me. I am in sales and many times my customers only spend 10-20 seconds with me rather than the 60+ seconds I would like.
On Tuesday I was preparing to see a customer that normally pays little attention to me. Rather than have that expectation I sat for a few minutes thinking of a creative solution to getting more time with her. I felt myself getting anxious and frustrated (similar to the feelings I felt during the recollection exercise we did during class). I was confident a solution would come so I let the feelings run their course. And sure enough...I got an idea! It wasn't entirely new, but it was something I hadn't tried with this customer.
Surprisingly, when I went to see her a few minutes later she actually approached me for once and wanted to share an experience she had with my product...so I didn't even have to use my new approach with her.
Thanks for posting your comment. There is no 'right' time to post...simply post when you have something to share, and hopefully before our next class.
When I read your comment the following jumps out at me: "I have experienced such surprises whenever I take a break and let go of my expectations." Look at how much you already know about having no expectations. What are you taking a break from? Be curious about what you might be telling yourself you have to do all the time, that requires you to need a break. We'll talk more about this next Monday. Keep practicing. It's just practice, nothing serious! ;-) Julie
Mark, Wow. You're really using what you already know about your creative process to move through the 'discomfort' of what you go through just prior to having the idea or flash of creativity. Keep working with that. Simply notice how you feel, deepening your awareness of how you are uniquely creative. Also, when you let go of expectations in this case, what else might you have let go of? Be curious about why your customer was different with you. Try it out on others. Can't wait to hear! Julie
I had a hard time grasping the concept of Have No Expecations. I tend to be someone who lives with a lot of expectations. I even had a sleepless night after class trying to grasp this concept. On tuesday I decided what to apply it to.
This past week was my final week of maternity leave. I decided to have no expectations of how I would spend the week. As long as I was spending time with Ellie, that was all that mattered.
In retrospect, I had spent the other 11 weeks frustrated that I couldn't get more done in the house or that I couldn't even get dinner on the table (I wasn't even having to "work" :) ). My final week was virtually stress free and extremly enjoyable. I was surprised at how much I was able to accomplish despite not setting tasks as a goal at the beginning of the day. I simply took free moments to do a small things and they all added up to quite a bit!
Occasionally, I would find myself throughout the week focusing on how hard it was going to be to go back to work and not be with Ellie all day. I would apply the "Have No Expectations" mantra and let the worry go and focus on the present.
I plan on approaching my first day back to work tomorrow with "No Expectations".
I have two discoveries to report on the "No Expectations" challenge.
The first applies to this course. When I heard the recommendation to keep a Live-With" journal I automatically Expected it to be a dreaded chore. (I am not fond of writing or journaling.) What a surprise to discover that it wasn't so bad. And an even bigger surprise was how easily the words spilled out onto the page.
I also admit to having the same Expectation about the assigned reading. "Since it's a business class the reading will probably be boring and put me to sleep." And... who knew? Not only did I stay awake, but I actually enjoyed the reading. So the discovery here is that not only were my Expectations dead wrong, but they were a complete waste of time and energy.
The second discovery relates to work. This past week I've been stuck deep down in the "frustration" pit of the creative process. And I had to share my progress with the bosses. After reading the "No Expectations" assignment I realized that when I'm in this situation I Expect the meeting to go terribly and I become very anxious. So I decided to take a different tactic this time. Instead of being stressed out, I approached the meeting with No Expectations. And what a difference it makes. I was more relaxed, the meeting was pleasant, and it seemed as though we were better able to focus on the big picture (the Intention) rather than getting mired in the details of the problem.
It has been a long week of having no expectations, but in the meantime a lot of preparation... Meaning that even if I let go of what can happen at any moment, I have explored a different number of possible paths which I should take. This led to realizing that I might actually skip some of the steps in my personal development plan and that since nothing really bad happened to me so far, it should continue this way :) In a nutshell, taking a few steps back to have a broader picture and breathing calmly helped me focus and explore different possibilities. As nothing which was expected to happen this week happened, I felt totally relieved when leaving the office on friday.
I'm really enjoying reading all the posts and see how others live this experience/experiment.
Julie,
You are right. Now that I think of the time when I first moved to the States, I had no expectations and I was feeling much happier. I was open to any possibility and willing to start my new life just anywhere, in any State. I wasn't resisting the unknown and let everything 'happen'.
For me, the most difficult part is to 'stay still'. I am a go-getter. When Hal was talking about Manager vs. Leader, I was all smiles. I am definitely a leader (the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator confirms that: I am an ENTJ, The Leader). I am pro-change, love challenges and love to learn. So, although I am aware of the tension 'expecting' things causes and how this tension blocks the creative process, for me, it's not easy to discern between 'not expecting anything' and 'not having goals'. How could I set myself goals and achieve them while I let go the expectations?
Hi I have tried the let go of my expectations, and I think I have to spend some more time to make it work for me. I always approch a problem in a very structured way, also when I search for solution. However I usually come up with original ideas and consider myself to be a rather creative person. I will look forward for the lecture today, to get som more input on how I can make this work (-: BR, Mads
This was a really hard one for me. In spite of having had Life throw me a curve ball, I still have high expectations of myself & others and come out disappointed. However, the problem that I came to class trying to find new ways to solve, actually seems to have dissipated without me even having to try! I posed an idea to my CEO and she agreed with it - something I was hoping could work but given the work climate, didn't think it would happen this quickly. Definitely a case of trusting that I would land on my feet. I always seem to do OK out of those moments but the fear of jumping into the unknown keeps me from doing anything until the last possible minute in the hopes that I don't have to upset the status quo. My mantra for the past few years has been Que sera sera so I guess I need to learn to trust it more in my work life as I do in my personal life. Unfortunately, I can't take credit for the creative idea but I'm ready for the next step in learning how to add more 'leader' to my 'manager' profile!
Thank you for asking more questions. When I try to take a break, it is often to be away from mundane, repetitive procedures that don't seem to be working. Also, I think I have the tendency to set a relatively high expectation of myself, even in the case of hobbies like music, therefore creating unnecessary pressure for myself. Now that you pointed it out, I should apply this principle more often, both at work and outside work.
18 comments:
I had a nice time attending the first class yesterday. There was lot of food for thought. :-). Thank you.
This morning I tried something about practicing "Having no expectations" that I would like to share with you.
I have been working on a research problem at work. The problem has been broken down into solving two independent steps. That has been the general approach suggested in literature for tackling this problem.
This morning I thought to myself "I should try to solve this problem" and let go of expectations of how I would solve it. Interestingly, some new approaches struck me that did not fit the "two-step approach" suggested in literature.
Although, a little deep analysis showed that the new strategy might not work. But I was happy to see how letting go of expectations can help create new ideas.
please let me know if you have comments or suggestions to applying this skill.
Thank you
best regards
regu
Regu,
Thanks for being the first to jump in here and share your insights. It's wonderful to start posting and reflecting early in the week, so we have time to deepen what is learned. Great job for trying things out first thing this morning. And notice how as soon as you realized the 'general approach' was an expectation, that other ideas immediately came to be seen. Stay with the new strategy and let it incubate to see what comes to the surface. Perhaps the initial idea will generate something else. See what other ideas pop up.
Remember, it is a practice. Sometimes I like to refer to them as Play-withs, to remind us to play with the ideas and concepts and to incorporate a little humor with them. Take some risks and see what happens.
Have fun!
After class I read for a few minutes and fell asleep. My dream life took over. I was searching, striving endlessly for a solution to a problem. I mean it was agonizing, frustrating and in the end absolutely impossible. I gave up and told myself, "That's it. I'm through." I then looked out the window and saw a person who, in real life, I am sure has "all the gifts." The person was walking down some stairs with 'windblown' hair...completely FREE of any striving or effort. I awoke instantly to understand this dream had importance to my understanding of "No Expectations."
It was very interesting to read about Regu's experience this morning.
I, myself, am in a very frustrating uncertain situation. I do dislike uncertainty. As I mentioned to Julie yesterday, I am a control freak when it comes to my goals and ambitions. But, at the same time, I am aware of the fact that it is impossible to plan and foresee everything.
I moved to the US (from Italy) less than a year ago and have been working as a Product Designer in a bathroom accessories company since March. Although I love what I do (designing), I find my current job not challenging enough. Therefore, I am looking for a new job AND planning to apply for Business school as well. As you can see, I currently live with and in the unknown; I have no idea where I might be or what I might be doing next month.
It seems like I am attending this class in the most appropriate moment. It is very difficult 'not to expect anything' but I intend to do it to from now on (or I will go crazy!) ;)
Thank you Julie and Hal for the first class, it was very interesting and eye-opening.
The first class was so interesting, can't wait for the forthcoming classes.
"Having No expectations" does seem to be against the norm, since we've always been trained to have some sort of expectation for every task.
I practiced "Having no expectation" today to a research problem at work. So far I haven't come up with a better solution than the one I already had, but the difference I noticed was being calm rather than feeling frustrated. Maybe I need some more practice.
You can't simultaneously practice 'having no expectaions' and experience frustration when colleagues don't deliver information as promised, right?
I am struggling with this one today. How do I work with others without having expectations? Please tell me I'm not the only person struggling with this.
I love all of your postings. How great that you have decided to dive right in to the Live-With. I am going to reply to each post this time, because we are new to this wonderful Live-With. But, each response is really for everyone.
Myrna:
What a fascinating dream. What might it mean? What do you already know about having no expectations? Pay attention to your dreams. We'll talk about this more later on in the class.
Laleh:
It sounds like you are very aware of the creative tension that lies between having goals and plans, and not yet knowing how things will turn out. Certainty is one of the deadliest things to creativity. When we are ‘certain’ we no longer have room for any other way to do things. Notice what becomes available when certainty is no longer there. Just notice what the experience is of not knowing…what does it feel like? What else might be there?
Dipti:
You are right. In many ways, it is the training we receive that trains us out of our creativity.
Even though your new solution wasn’t ‘better’ than what you already had, you noticed something very important about the experience of having no expectations…there was calm. You felt calm. What does that tell you about what is available when you ‘let go’ of expectations? How would work be different when you are feeling calm compared to feeling frustrated? If your Essence is your personal creative resource, what do you now know about your Essence from this experience of letting go of expectations?
Deanne:
Are you experiencing frustration from letting go of expectations or as a result of having expectations about what should have happened? When we have expectations, we almost always set ourselves up to be disappointed if what we expected doesn’t happen. It doesn’t mean that we can’t have goals or guidelines for what we need to get a job done. But, if you are frustrated about what ‘should’ have happened, how available is your creative resource to find possibilities? When they don’t deliver as promised, is frustration going to be helpful?
You are not the only one experiencing frustration with this. The first part of this Live-With is to notice your habitual expectations AND the corresponding result from not having them met. Keep track of what you expected, what happens instead, and what you feel when your expectation is not met. See if there is a pattern. See what gets in the way of creatively handling what happens.
Julie,
I am sorry for posting a day later. I had a task deadline that I had to meet, therefore I decided to finish that. Because that task was more labor-intensive than creativity-intensive, I decided to still keep myself up to the expectation (finish it on time). Now, I can let go of any short-term expectations :). So far, no particular idea has emerged, but I do feel more relaxed, as it should be after finishing a task :).
I saw many wonderful posts in this thread. Your response to laleh is particularly interesting and mind-stimulating: I thought given a chance, everyone wants to be all-knowing, but you have revealed something deeper beyond knowledge itself. It will take me some time to digest this new concept, but a pleasant time it would be.
Although I haven't had much experience with the "Having No Expectation" approach in this week, I can share some experience from the past which I think is relevant.
I learn and practice an Ancient Chinese musical instrument called GuQin (known as Ancient Zither). With no music training background, it is not exactly an easy instrument for me, but I like it. At times, I find my playing stagnant, not really improving despite daily practice. Then, after a couple of weeks of vacation, and I picked it up again, and with no expectation how well I should do, I often exceeded my expectations in coming up with new styles and subtleties of playing. Of course I am still an amateur student, but I have experienced such surprises whenever I take a break and let go of my expectations. I feel the "take a break" part is probably equally important as the "no expectation" part, as it gives the brain a chance to relax and prepare for more creativity.
I hope it's not too off-topic!
I too enjoyed the new class and want to take an open approach to the class.
A specific problem that I want to find a creative solution to is getting my customers to spend more time with me. I am in sales and many times my customers only spend 10-20 seconds with me rather than the 60+ seconds I would like.
On Tuesday I was preparing to see a customer that normally pays little attention to me. Rather than have that expectation I sat for a few minutes thinking of a creative solution to getting more time with her. I felt myself getting anxious and frustrated (similar to the feelings I felt during the recollection exercise we did during class). I was confident a solution would come so I let the feelings run their course. And sure enough...I got an idea! It wasn't entirely new, but it was something I hadn't tried with this customer.
Surprisingly, when I went to see her a few minutes later she actually approached me for once and wanted to share an experience she had with my product...so I didn't even have to use my new approach with her.
Wenyu,
Thanks for posting your comment. There is no 'right' time to post...simply post when you have something to share, and hopefully before our next class.
When I read your comment the following jumps out at me: "I have experienced such surprises whenever I take a break and let go of my expectations." Look at how much you already know about having no expectations. What are you taking a break from? Be curious about what you might be telling yourself you have to do all the time, that requires you to need a break. We'll talk more about this next Monday. Keep practicing. It's just practice, nothing serious! ;-)
Julie
Mark,
Wow. You're really using what you already know about your creative process to move through the 'discomfort' of what you go through just prior to having the idea or flash of creativity. Keep working with that. Simply notice how you feel, deepening your awareness of how you are uniquely creative. Also, when you let go of expectations in this case, what else might you have let go of? Be curious about why your customer was different with you. Try it out on others. Can't wait to hear!
Julie
I had a hard time grasping the concept of Have No Expecations. I tend to be someone who lives with a lot of expectations. I even had a sleepless night after class trying to grasp this concept. On tuesday I decided what to apply it to.
This past week was my final week of maternity leave. I decided to have no expectations of how I would spend the week. As long as I was spending time with Ellie, that was all that mattered.
In retrospect, I had spent the other 11 weeks frustrated that I couldn't get more done in the house or that I couldn't even get dinner on the table (I wasn't even having to "work" :) ). My final week was virtually stress free and extremly enjoyable. I was surprised at how much I was able to accomplish despite not setting tasks as a goal at the beginning of the day. I simply took free moments to do a small things and they all added up to quite a bit!
Occasionally, I would find myself throughout the week focusing on how hard it was going to be to go back to work and not be with Ellie all day. I would apply the "Have No Expectations" mantra and let the worry go and focus on the present.
I plan on approaching my first day back to work tomorrow with "No Expectations".
I have two discoveries to report on the "No Expectations" challenge.
The first applies to this course. When I heard the recommendation to keep a Live-With" journal I automatically Expected it to be a dreaded chore. (I am not fond of writing or journaling.) What a surprise to discover that it wasn't so bad. And an even bigger surprise was how easily the words spilled out onto the page.
I also admit to having the same Expectation about the assigned reading. "Since it's a business class the reading will probably be boring and put me to sleep." And... who knew? Not only did I stay awake, but I actually enjoyed the reading. So the discovery here is that not only were my Expectations dead wrong, but they were a complete waste of time and energy.
The second discovery relates to work. This past week I've been stuck deep down in the "frustration" pit of the creative process. And I had to share my progress with the bosses. After reading the "No Expectations" assignment I realized that when I'm in this situation I Expect the meeting to go terribly and I become very anxious. So I decided to take a different tactic this time. Instead of being stressed out, I approached the meeting with No Expectations. And what a difference it makes. I was more relaxed, the meeting was pleasant, and it seemed as though we were better able to focus on the big picture (the Intention) rather than getting mired in the details of the problem.
sherry
It has been a long week of having no expectations, but in the meantime a lot of preparation... Meaning that even if I let go of what can happen at any moment, I have explored a different number of possible paths which I should take. This led to realizing that I might actually skip some of the steps in my personal development plan and that since nothing really bad happened to me so far, it should continue this way :)
In a nutshell, taking a few steps back to have a broader picture and breathing calmly helped me focus and explore different possibilities. As nothing which was expected to happen this week happened, I felt totally relieved when leaving the office on friday.
I'm really enjoying reading all the posts and see how others live this experience/experiment.
Julie,
You are right. Now that I think of the time when I first moved to the States, I had no expectations and I was feeling much happier. I was open to any possibility and willing to start my new life just anywhere, in any State. I wasn't resisting the unknown and let everything 'happen'.
For me, the most difficult part is to 'stay still'. I am a go-getter. When Hal was talking about Manager vs. Leader, I was all smiles. I am definitely a leader (the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator confirms that: I am an ENTJ, The Leader). I am pro-change, love challenges and love to learn. So, although I am aware of the tension 'expecting' things causes and how this tension blocks the creative process, for me, it's not easy to discern between 'not expecting anything' and 'not having goals'. How could I set myself goals and achieve them while I let go the expectations?
Hi
I have tried the let go of my expectations, and I think I have to spend some more time to make it work for me. I always approch a problem in a very structured way, also when I search for solution. However I usually come up with original ideas and consider myself to be a rather creative person. I will look forward for the lecture today, to get som more input on how I can make this work (-:
BR,
Mads
This was a really hard one for me. In spite of having had Life throw me a curve ball, I still have high expectations of myself & others and come out disappointed.
However, the problem that I came to class trying to find new ways to solve, actually seems to have dissipated without me even having to try! I posed an idea to my CEO and she agreed with it - something I was hoping could work but given the work climate, didn't think it would happen this quickly. Definitely a case of trusting that I would land on my feet.
I always seem to do OK out of those moments but the fear of jumping into the unknown keeps me from doing anything until the last possible minute in the hopes that I don't have to upset the status quo. My mantra for the past few years has been Que sera sera so I guess I need to learn to trust it more in my work life as I do in my personal life.
Unfortunately, I can't take credit for the creative idea but I'm ready for the next step in learning how to add more 'leader' to my 'manager' profile!
Julie,
Thank you for asking more questions. When I try to take a break, it is often to be away from mundane, repetitive procedures that don't seem to be working. Also, I think I have the tendency to set a relatively high expectation of myself, even in the case of hobbies like music, therefore creating unnecessary pressure for myself. Now that you pointed it out, I should apply this principle more often, both at work and outside work.
Look forward to the class tonight!
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